You Want to Move to Hawaii BUT Your Spouse Doesn’t. Now What? (2023)


You want to move to Hawaii but your spouse doesn't or vice versa. Let's get real for a minute, shall we? You'll have to work hard to overcome this one. There is no question that living on Maui is not for everyone. You would be living in one of the most isolated island chains in the world. Let’s preface this by saying that if your spouse absolutely positively does not want to move to Maui, don't mess up your marriage. It's done. Deal with it. In spite of this, if your spouse says "I'm not really sure if I want to move to Maui", then maybe there is a chance.

I am very well aware that I probably do not have the answers that you want to hear if you want to move to Hawaii but your spouse doesn't. However, I thought it was a great conversation to have. What do you think about this? If this were you, what would you do? Or maybe it is you. Let's talk about it, so stick around.
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This should be a fun video.

I want to move to maui, but my spouse doesn't think it doesn't happen.

Think again, all right here goes nothing.

Let's start this fun video right now, so you want to move to hawaii, but your spouse doesn't we're vice versa good times, so let's get real for a second.

Can we because this one this is a tough one to overcome, because living in hawaii maui in particular.

It's definitely not for everyone.

You'd be living in one of the most isolated island chains in the world, and, let's be clear I want to preface if your spouse absolutely positively does not want to move to maui.

Let it go.

You don't want to ruin your marriage.

It's a done deal! That's it now! If it's something like well, I'm not really sure if I want to move to maui.

Well, that's another thing because maybe just maybe there's a chance.

So let's talk about some scenarios, because the last thing that I want is some spouse called me up going.

You are trying to convince my husband or wife to move to hawaii and I don't want to move to hawaii.

I don't need that.

That's not what I want.

That's definitely not what this video is all about and if you've seen our videos before, then you probably know that most of the videos we do come from questions that you submitted.

So thank you.

So much keep those questions.

Coming drop a comment down below with more, and I'm very well aware that I probably don't have the answers that you want to hear if your spouse does not want to move to hawaii but believe it or not.

Enough of you reached out with this scenario that I thought would be a fun conversation to do video about.

So what do you think? What would you do if this was you or shoot? Maybe this is you so from our experience.

It's probably a good idea to write out a pros and cons list and I think more importantly, it's probably a good idea to write down why you want to move to hawaii or why your spouse doesn't want to move to hawaii because, in my opinion, those reasons that's going to be pretty revealing.

So the biggest reasons that we hear why people do not want to move to hawaii is some of the obvious ones.

It's far from family and friends, it's very expensive and island fever.

Now is a good time to have some open and honest communication.

So I know when I moved to maui the first time I moved by myself and I definitely wrote out a list of all the pros and all the cons of moving to maui.

So when I was considering the cons list, I broke those down on a scale from one to five.

One being I can handle this for now or I can address it or I can turn it into a pro.

So for me, one of the biggest cons was obviously being far away from my family and friends.

So what I did before moving was, I put dates on a calendar of when I planned to go visit, my family for me.

That was problem solved consoled so on that scale, from one to five, five being that this is a really valid con and I'm not sure I'm ready or prepared to handle it, and I don't even know how to address that at the moment.

So, for example, let's say that you have kids and your concern is that you don't know how they're going to adjust to being in a new school or how they're going to be treated.

Maui schools are very diverse and they're, unlike most schools on the mainland, and this just might be one of those examples of dealing with it, as it occurs, it's hard to say how they're going to adjust to being in a new school until it actually happens, or this could be your deal breaker and that's why it's probably a good time to have an open and honest and candid conversation, perhaps you're in a position where you can come to maui and do a trial run.

Can you come here for two? Three? Maybe four weeks and practice living here as if you lived here already and not on vacation rent, a condo cook, your own meals, don't go on any excursions drive during business rush hours and it's a trial run.

So can you come here and practice living as if you lived here and not like you're on vacation, so you're not doing trips to the beach you're, not going out to dinner multiple times, you're, not going on an excursions? It's a practice run now.

I know not everyone's in a position to do that, but this might be a good time where you should try to coordinate, doing a trial run and by the way, if this is your first time checking out our videos aloha and welcome if you're a returning viewer aloha welcome back.

My name is adam miller, I'm with the nine times network, I'm a real estate agent here on the beautiful island of maui.

Thank you so much for tuning into this video and it's worth repeating now is probably a great time for you to figure out why you want to move to maui and just as importantly, why your spouse does not want to move to maui change is not easy.

A lot of people can handle change, hey and a quick side note before I got into real estate.

I was in the restaurant business for many years I hired and trained thousands of employees I hired and trained dozens of managers and just about every manager who came to work for me, I gave them a book book was called who moved my cheese.

Fantastic book is a quick read my opinion.

Every high school student should have the opportunity to read it.

It's all about to change so anyway, if you want to move to maui and your spouse doesn't now is the time to talk it out.

Maybe it won't happen.

Maybe it will happen.

Maybe it's a no for right now, or maybe it's just an outright no way.

You want to schedule some time to talk about it.

I'll put a link in the description down below to my calendar.

You can schedule time to do a zoom call with me better.

Yet give me a call today, I'll put my information right down below.

Well, that's it for this subject matter.

Hope I answered some of your questions.

I'm not sure I'm the one who can answer those questions for you have the conversation with your spouse.

Talk it out all right! Everybody thanks for watching.

We drop new videos every monday, eight o'clock, kawhi standard time, we'll see you next monday, everybody you.


What to do when you want to move but your spouse doesn t? ›

Agree on a compromise

If your spouse doesn't want to move despite the probable advantages, consider a compromise – suggest a temporary move. Rent out your current home and move to your chosen city for a certain period of time. Give it about a two-year tryout, for example, and reassess the situation.

Can you just move to Hawaii? ›

Can Anyone Move to Hawaii? In 1959, Hawaii officially became the 50th state. As a result, anyone who has the ability to legally live in the United States—including citizens and permanent residents—can move to Hawaii. Legally, it's just like moving to any other state.

Is it worth it to move to Hawaii? ›

Before You Move to Hawaii

Living in Hawaii has its perks, including year-round warm weather and access to some of the most beautiful natural scenery in the world. The island lifestyle is laid-back and relaxed, and there is a strong sense of community and connection to the land.

What to do when your partner wants to move? ›

What to Do When Only One Spouse Wants to Move
  1. Weigh the Pros and Cons. Any big decision in your life calls for a pros and cons list to weigh the ups and downs. ...
  2. Discuss, Discuss, Discuss. ...
  3. Do Your Research. ...
  4. Plan a Trip. ...
  5. Compromise.
Jun 12, 2018

What is the walkaway wife syndrome? ›

There's a term for this: walkaway wife syndrome. This term is sometimes used to describe instances where a spouse – often the wife – has felt alone, neglected, and resentful in a deteriorating marriage and decides it's time to end it.

Will moving away save my marriage? ›

You get the chance to have a fresh start.

Moving gives a chance for a reboot in lots of areas. Your marriage is one of them. Sometimes moving gets you away from things that have been harmful for your marriage. A new location means a chance to rebuild what you really want and more easily cut out what you don't.

What income do you need to live in Hawaii? ›

To live comfortably in Hawaii, an annual income of around $70,000 to $100,000 for a single person, or $120,000 to $200,000 for a family is recommended. Is it expensive to live in Hawaii? Yes, Hawaii is known for its high cost of living due to factors such as housing, groceries, utilities, and transportation.

Where is the cheapest place to live in Hawaii? ›

Most Affordable Places to Live in Hawaii
  • Hana, Maui.
  • Hilo, Island of Hawaii.
  • Kahuku, Oahu.
  • Kahului, Maui.
  • Kapa'a, Kauai.
  • Waianae, Oahu.
  • Wailuku, Maui.
  • Waimalu, Oahu.
Jun 19, 2023

How to afford housing in Hawaii? ›

Smartasset recommends having at least $30,000 saved before applying for a home loan. They also recommend having a minimum income of $90,000 to ensure your monthly payment and other debts do no exceed 36% of your monthly income.

What would be the only downside of living in Hawaii? ›

The most obvious drawback to living in Hawaii is our cost of living. Because everything needs to be imported, the cost of goods is significantly higher than any mainland market.

Which Hawaiian island has the lowest cost of living? ›

What's the most affordable Hawaiian island to live on? The Big Island. With Hawaii's lowest average cost of living (according to MIT's Living Wage project), lowest fair market rents, and lowest typical yearly expenses, the Big Island can be the most economical island in Hawaii.

How long do couples wait to move in? ›

According to a Quartz analysis of Stanford University's How Couples Meet and Stay Together survey, about 25% of American couples that eventually move in together do so after four months of dating, and 50% after a year. By two years, over 70% had moved in.

How long do most couples wait to move in? ›

A Stanford University study on American couples and their dating patterns found that 25% of couples moved in together after four months, 50% moved in after a year, and 70% had moved in with each other after two years.

How long should a couple wait before moving in together? ›

Timelines vary from couple to couple, but most experts agree that you should be dating for at least 1 year before moving in together. Talk about important issues before you move in together, like the division of chores, finances, and alone time.

What is silent divorce? ›

What is a silent divorce? The term 'silent divorce' refers to a state where there isn't obvious conflict, but nor is there much of anything else going on in a relationship. It is not sustainable in the long term.

What are the signs of unhappy marriage? ›

  • You Hardly Communicate Anymore.
  • There is Little to No Intimacy.
  • You Would Rather Spend Time With Your Friends Than be at Home With Your Partner.
  • Everything They Do Irritates You.
  • There is Emotional Withdrawal.
  • Both of you Have Differing Values, Beliefs, and Goals.
  • There's Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
Jun 4, 2023

What is the first wife syndrome? ›

Al-Sherbiny [41] reported the “first wife syndrome,” where the first wife reported difficulties faced psychological, physical, and social problems among women in a polygamous marriage.

What is the divorce rate after moving? ›

Research has indicated that making a serious commitment at a young age often leads to divorce. For example, couples who either moved in together or got married at age 18 ended up divorced 60% of the time. However, couples who either moved in together or got married at age 23 only divorced 30% of the time.

How do you live in a marriage that is over? ›

When You Decide to Stay in an Unhappy Marriage
  1. Practice the pleasantries again - such as greeting them when they come home, asking how their day was, etc.
  2. Acknowledge what they ARE doing right.
  3. Stop arguing about the same thing to save your energy.
  4. Be mindful of how you are communicating with them.
Jul 16, 2021

How do you live in one house when your marriage is over? ›

11 Tips for Going through a Marriage Separation While Living Together
  1. 1 Sleep in separate rooms.
  2. 2 Divide up household chores.
  3. 3 Separate your finances.
  4. 4 Create a parenting schedule.
  5. 5 Set boundaries around family time.
  6. 6 Talk to your children about the arrangement.
  7. 7 Discuss how you'll handle social situations.

Can you live in Hawaii on $2000 a month? ›

Housing Costs

A one-bedroom apartment or home can range from about $1,500 to more than $2,000 per month and a two-bedroom apartment or a house will start at $1,800 per month. Looking at a luxurious, new one-bedroom condo? Expect to fork out at least $3,000 a month.

What is a comfortable salary in Hawaii? ›

According to the Hawaii Department of Business, Economic Development & Tourism's (DBEDT) self-sufficiency income standards, the average resident needs to make $17.63 per hour in 2020 to enjoy a living wage. This would cover expenses like housing, food, transportation, healthcare and other expenses.

What is considered middle class in Hawaii? ›

America's Fastest-Growing States
StateHousehold Income Range for Middle Class
Hawaii$41,532 - $181,202
Idaho$25,989 - $103,435
Illinois$27,109 - $134,640
Indiana$22,915 - $98,771
46 more rows
Dec 24, 2020

How much does rent cost in Hawaii? ›

Average Apartment Cost in Honolulu, HI

The average rent for apartments in Honolulu, HI, is between $1,450 and $1,877 in 2023. For a studio apartment in Honolulu, HI, the average rent is $1,877. When it comes to 1-bedroom apartments, the average rent in Honolulu, HI, is $1,450.

What time of year is Hawaii cheapest? ›

The cheapest time to fly to Hawaii is during February and March. The most expensive month to fly is December when the holiday period falls, with January being very expensive as well. The peak travel months of June and July are surprisingly not the most expensive months for flights, with middle figure prices.

What is the best side of Hawaii to live on? ›

If amenities, urban life, and spectacular surf are your preferences, you may like Oahu. If you like rural living but also might enjoy some amenities and tourists along with beautiful landscapes, Maui may be your place. And if you want wide-open spaces and have an adventurous spirit, you may prefer the Big Island.

What is the middle class income in Hawaii? ›

The state with the highest middle-class income is Hawaii, where you haven't made it unless you earn at least $122,695 per year. Nationally, the average annual income to be considered middle-class is $60,000.

What is the average price of a house in Hawaii? ›

$834,499. The average Hawaii home value is $834,499, down 1.5% over the past year and goes to pending in around 20 days.

What is considered high income in Hawaii? ›

Average Household Income: $113,310. Per Capita Income: $39,045. 12.8% of Households in Hawaii are High Income Households that make over $200,000 a year.

Is it easy to find a job in Hawaii? ›

Remember that it's pretty hard to find a job on the islands even though the unemployment rate is generally low. However, this depends on your skills and the industry you are looking in. Some of the most thriving industries include tourism, health care, hospitality, IT, marketing, and property management.

Why don t more people live on Hawaii? ›

Many people don't live on the island due to the hazard of losing their home to an active lava flow. Or getting caught up in a hurricane or tsunami. When you live here, you take the risks of living on a volcanic island..we all do.

Why do most people move to Hawaii? ›

Hawaii's quality of life reflects the advantages of the state's climate, health, recreation and cultural opportunities. Hawaii is consistently rated as one of the best states to live in when criteria include environmental factors, low crime incidence, quality of education, and longevity.

What are common problems in Hawaii? ›

What Are the Top Five Issues in Hawaii?
  • BUDGET: Financial Woes May Be Ahead. Just a few minutes into his first state of the state speech Gov. ...
  • HOUSING: Prices are Rising — And So is Demand. ...
  • TRANSPORTATION: Honolulu's Rail Line Continues to Raise Doubts. ...
  • MARIJUANA: Fight Over Medical Marijuana Expansion Bill.
Mar 19, 2015

Is Hawaii or Florida better? ›

When comparing Florida vs Hawaii for a family vacation, Florida is the better choice for families. One of the main reasons is that it's easier, cheaper, and faster to get to Florida than most places in the United States.

How much is it to live in Hawaii for a month? ›

The average cost of living in Hawaii is $2,457.72 per month. Hawaii is known for its parallel beauty and outdoor adventures, but it is one of the most remote states in the United States. With its unmatched beauty and endless opportunities for exploring the outdoors, it is customary to wonder whether Hawaii is livable.

Where is the safest place to live in Hawaii? ›

Hawaii Kai is a residential neighborhood located far east of Downtown Honolulu with a population of 28,417. It's considered one of the safest neighborhoods on the island, and unlike Aina Haina, it is a fairly popular tourist destination thanks to its close proximity to some of Oahu's best beaches.

Is it better to live in Maui or Oahu? ›

Most people choose to move to Oahu for the variety of things to do, as well as the ease of finding part-time or full-time work. Oahu's beaches are every bit as lovely as most of those on Kauai and Maui – and you'll have access to world class shopping and entertainment on Oahu.

Why is Big Island so cheap? ›

The cost of living is the lowest on Big Island – around 25 % lower than the Hawaiian average. Big Island is relatively affordable due to its large size, lack of infrastructure, and the risks posed by volcanic activity.

What is the 3 month rule? ›

The 3-month rule is a 90-day trial period where a couple “tests out” a relationship to see if they're compatible. During the 90 days, couples learn about each other's likes, dislikes, and possible red flags. At the end of the 3 months, couples discuss if they want to pursue a long-term relationship.

What are silent red flags in a relationship? ›

According to Jaseena, “Silent red flags in a relationship are those that are not as obvious or jarring as the generic ones like abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting. They aren't visible but are as toxic as the generic red flags.

How many relationships fail after moving in together? ›

For couples who decide to move in together, just over half of them marry within five years. Within that same time period, 40 percent of couples split up.

How long do couples wait to sleep together? ›

Among those who are married or in a serious relationship and have had sex, 15% say they had sex within a week of starting the relationship. Another 19% say they had sex after they had been dating their partner for more than a week, but less than a month. A similar percentage (21%) say they waited one to three months.

How soon is too soon to propose? ›

Shilpa told the Standard: “In the first couple of months it may be too soon [to get engaged] as the feelings you have for one another may be lust as opposed to love. “It's best to wait until at least 3-6 months to see if the feelings you have are for real or just a fading spark of lust.

How long should a woman wait before sleeping with a man? ›

In a new survey, the average person said eight dates is the "acceptable" time to wait to have sex. People also said that they don't "always" kiss on the first date, even if it's going well. Millenials also wait 48 hours to ask about a second date, while older people wait three days, on average.

How soon is too soon to say love YOU? ›

While men tended to consider confessions of love acceptable after about a month or so, women tended to say it was better to wait 2 to 3 months or so. Confessions of love generally inspired feelings of happiness, but men felt more positive about confessions that happened before the relationship became sexual.

How long is a honeymoon phase? ›

The honeymoon phase is an early part of a couple's relationship where everything seems carefree and happy. It usually lasts from six months to two years and can be marked with lots of laughs, intimacy, and fun dates.

Can a relationship survive living apart after living together? ›

If you've addressed any other issues your relationship may be facing and you're sure that the only real problem is your living situation, then by all means live apart. And if you both want the same thing and know what you're in for, chances are your relationship will survive and may even thrive!

What does it mean if your partner doesn t want to move in? ›

Maybe your partner just needs to ensure they're getting time to themselves, or maybe they're terrified you'll be turned off if you ever see their secret single behavior. Maybe they can't afford a big move right now, or they'd rather save cohabitation for when you're engaged or married.

What if I don't want to move in with my partner? ›

If you don't want to move in with your partner because of religious or cultural reasons, that's completely OK as well, and you shouldn't let anything make you feel like you have to compromise on that. Additionally, if you haven't been together for very long, then you might just not be ready to move in, either.

How do you move on when your husband doesn't want you? ›

10 ways to deal with your husband not wanting you
  1. Identify the issue. What to do when your husband doesn't want you? ...
  2. Communicate openly. ...
  3. Work on yourself. ...
  4. Make time for each other. ...
  5. Rekindle your romance and be affectionate. ...
  6. Show interest in his life. ...
  7. Give him space. ...
  8. Know your worth.
Mar 2, 2023

How long is too long to wait to move in together? ›

How long should you wait before moving in together? Try to wait at least 1 year before moving in with your partner. While this timeline varies for every couple, experts note that dating someone for 1 year is a good timetable to stick to.

How long do most couples wait before moving in together? ›

According to a Quartz analysis of Stanford University's How Couples Meet and Stay Together survey, about 25% of American couples that eventually move in together do so after four months of dating, and 50% after a year. By two years, over 70% had moved in.

How do you know when it's time to separate? ›

The 9 Silent Signs of Separation Checklist
  • You're Actively Avoiding Your Partner.
  • They Don't Act Like Your Partner.
  • You Don't Trust or Respect Your Partner.
  • You've Tried and Tried and Tried … But Nothing Changes.
  • You're Worried About What Others Might Think.
  • You're Staying Together For the Kids.
  • It's Cheaper to Stay Together.
Apr 11, 2022

Is it better to stay separated or divorce? ›

A legal separation can be reversed whereas a divorce cannot. If you have young children, you may wish to keep the family together legally for their sake. If you're not 100% sure you want to end your marriage, a legal separation can give you space to figure things out while still protecting you financially.

Can a relationship last without living together? ›

Neither dating nor marriage absolutely requires communal living arrangements. The trend is that those who date live apart and those who are married live together. No law obliges either living together or apart, but people base the sort of living arrangement they should have on generally accepted rules of society.

What is emotional abandonment in marriage? ›

In the context of a marriage, the feelings of neglect, being left out, and not being heard are collectively referred to as emotional abandonment. It occurs when one partner is so preoccupied with their own concerns that they are unable to notice the struggles, concerns, or problems their partner is experiencing.

How do you survive an unhappy marriage when you cant leave? ›

What to do When You Can't Leave an Unhappy Marriage
  1. Show up for your partner. ...
  2. Nurture your friendship. ...
  3. Check-in with your partner daily. ...
  4. Avoid making assumptions about your partner. ...
  5. Acknowledge and take ownership of your part of the argument. ...
  6. Be open to negotiation. ...
  7. Practice self-soothing.
Oct 3, 2019

How do you know your husband doesn't value you? ›

He is no longer affectionate with you, physically or verbally. He no longer makes sweet or romantic gestures toward you. He doesn't say "I love you" anymore. He still says "I love you," but something about it feels hollow or forced, like he's just going through the motions.

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