Sometimes people outgrow each other. #reddit #fiftyfifty #glowup #relationshipproblems #redditstories #redditposts #redditupdate #redditstorytime #redditrelationship #misogynist #relationshipadvice #storytime #husband #dusty #ashy
So this is an interesting one.
This woman says my husband says I'm not doing my job as a wife right and I need to quit.
My hobby slash career goals, you've known each other for six years have been together.
Forest years and married, almost three I had a bit of an Awakening and had some major changes started going to the gym five times a week doing Pilates two times a week, eating better skin care, routine shopping at farmers, markets changed careers and got a 65k pay, raise lost.
80 pounds got a new car cut off my dad stopped dyeing my hair and switch to my natural hair color bought us a house Etc get it girl lots of big changes.
In the past two years, my husband and I used to bond over video games and I'm no longer interested in them, like I used to be I, was also a cozy gamer versus his shooting game.
So it's not like we played in the same category anyway and it started a whole new fight where he has said I'm slacking on my duties as a partner and wife throughout just the past few weeks.
He's made comments like.
Why are you going to the gym at 6am who goes to the gym after 7 PM, unless they're cheating don't get comfortable at your new job? They'll lay you off as soon as they find a better guy for the position.
If people compliment me in public and don't compliment him as well, he gets upset later and tells me it must be nice to be a woman, etc, etc, and I said no one complimented me before when I was chubby, it's only because I'm in shape and that it's shallow and means nothing.
But he feels like it's some big deal and an advantage that I have over him.
I recently signed up for a class, because I want to ask for a pay, raise or start applying to other positions and instead of being supportive, he told me that I'm being ungrateful, I already make a lot and I'm being greedy and that my boss will probably fire me for being demanding.
He also wants me to drop out of the class I'm.
Taking the only valid changes is that I don't play video games as I used to and instead of sitting around the house alone, when he's out with his friends, I went out and got hobbies and made friends of my own.
He wanted me to only hang out with his friends, girlfriends wives, which sounds like hell on Earth to me.
I also used to cook for a seven days a week, breakfast lunch and dinner and brought him his lunches to work every day because him remembering to grab it off.
The counter was too much now.
If he forgets it, he just doesn't eat or has to order.
Food I also don't cook every day anymore.
Now, I cook a lot of food three times a week and just free slash meal prep at all I've also stopped ironing all of our clothes and only iron as needed for myself, and let him know where the iron is kept, though it's not like their life, stopping changes, I'm just trying to understand where he's coming from, but honestly I think he's just being an [ __ ] for no reason right now.
Any advice would really be appreciated, though, just to be clear, none of the new changes have changed our at-home schedules.
He works away from home with a commute and I work remotely at home, he's always had boys night or just seeing his friends at least once a week.
The entire time we have been together, I, usually just sat at home and texted him about how much I missed him.
He even used to say it was a turn off.
I realized how my behavior, at the time, didn't align with what I want my life to look like and just got up and chose something different than my normal everyday life outside of gaming, together which we did at two separate deaths him on Discord chat with his friends and me playing Animal Crossing in a snuggie.
We never did spend quality time together besides date, night, which we have still not missed a single time, even with my new hobbies.
I just do them when he's with his friends or he's not home.
It's not like I leave him at home by myself to be at the gym, often only on Sunday mornings, from 7am to 10 p.m.
For my Pilates class and coffee, with one of the girls from it before I get into the comments.
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Okay, this person is holding you back is easier than making his own changes and improving his life on some level.
He knows that if you keep progressing and he doesn't then you'll grow too far apart to be able to sustain your relationship, he decided to take the easy route and it's going to limit you.
You can try encouraging him to set goals and work for them.
Otherwise, you'll need to be prepared to move on.
Op says, am I being naive for feeling differently about us growing apart.
If his word comments could stop I, don't see that happening, I married him, knowing he didn't care about being in shape or having a successful career and I'm.
Okay with him saying how he is weight and salary just because a change doesn't mean he has to I've.
Let him know that I don't want him to feel pressured to do anything.
I've been doing it's part of why the meal prep started.
I still make the same unhealthy meals for him that he always liked, because I know it's not fair to just expect him to change his entire diet overnight or change it.
For me, at all, this person says it doesn't matter how you feel the changes you're making are making him feel insecure, and rather than dealing with those feelings of insecurity, he is nagging you and trying to get you back in line he liked it when he felt you were on equal footing and now he feels like you have your life more together than he does, and that's not how a wife is supposed to behave.
You are defying his limited definition of wife.
You can talk to him about this and make him be honest with how he's feeling, but these little passive aggressive comments are unacceptable.
The bottom line is he's not secure enough and who he is to be happy for you, he'd rather insult you and tear you down rather than faces, insecurities that sucks and doesn't bode well for your future.
You've definitely outgrown him and he knows it.
He wanted a wife who's easy to control because she doesn't have other friends or Hobbies.
He wanted to feel Superior and now you've gone and changed your life for the better, and the only thing that's missing is a better partner.
Op says this is the worst case scenario in my mind, but my thing is: I never gave off easy to control, Vibes I stayed home and only cooked, because I was resentful of society and scared of rejection.
According to the self work, I've been doing, not a professional broke and cooking was something.
I was good at, but I have been a pink slash, blue, slash, purple, dyed hair nose ring tattoo girl that always defended myself.
I've, never been scared of picking a fight when necessary.
I was always super sweet with my husband, because I never had any reason not to be because before now he's never done anything for us to really argue about maybe coming home too drunk after boys, nice, but that's it and it happened two times and never happened again.
This person says, but that's the thing he didn't have to try to control you, because, coincidentally, you were behaving the way he wanted slush liked.
So you don't really have any insight into how he handles conflict, because the two of you didn't have any this person says exactly.
He never showed his red flags before because he didn't need to.
He wanted an so who was a gamer and whose life revolved around him and until now, Opie fit that description.
Now that she doesn't he's mad about it and is trying to stuff her back into that box, and this person says you bought him his lunch at work every day, so he didn't have to just grab it and take it with him.
You were easy to control and now for the update a lot of people in the last post assume that the time we spent together had changed since I was able to make such drastic changes.
Nothing about our home schedules has changed.
I go to the gym before he even wakes up most mornings and I'm back home cooking breakfast before he gets out of the shower.
If I don't have time to go in the morning, I go during my lunch break since I work.
Remotely people ask regarding me buying the house and getting a new car.
If this bothered him yes and no obviously owning a home cost us more than renting, but we split Bill, 70, 30 and I pay.
The majority I made sure his monthly costs would stay the same amount since his pay at work has not changed in two plus years and likely will not change soon.
There were also a lot of questions about the other changes.
I had left out or changes to my appearance.
Yes, I lost 80 to 90 pounds and went from dyeing my hair purple, slash pink, slash, blue slash blonde and went back to my natural redhead.
Slash, Ginger I didn't exactly ask his approval, but any change I made.
He knew was happening before it happened.
After I told him he was coming off as bitter and insecure.
Acting all offended and upset I started playing one of the old YouTube series he bonded over.
While dating we tried to kill the tense fives with some casual conversation and snacking, I opened up the floor for a conversation, and we had a heart to heart, but I'm left feeling even more confused and irritated than before.
He said that, while he liked the changes and he's more attracted to me than ever, other people in his life have been comparing My Success I would hardly call it that to his lifestyle.
His friends have called me his Sugar Mama and were the ones that put the idea in his head.
That I would only start putting this much effort into my looks all of a sudden for another man, I told him.
His friends were either jealous or sexist, but neither of them are good enough reasons to internalize their words and then cause us real problems by their fake mindsets.
He decided to start defending his friends.
Then he said.
Don't act like your friends are so much better than mine, because the one I'm closest to is a stay-at-home wife and has never worked a salary job a day in her life.
Since she got married.
Really young I asked what that was supposed to mean, and he said she was just another woman who only has something to offer by cooking cleaning and sex.
This is where I might have gone too far.
I act him on I asked him about all the negative things he thought about those kind of women in an agreeable tone, and he went into a bit of a rant about how wives, like that, have no use bringing no money, just stress out their husbands and annoy their kids Etc.
Then I asked him what he thinks, those wives think of him compared to their husbands and what they would have to say about what he comes home and does after work, which is absolutely a thing and told him to stop judging people who took a different Walk of Life if he doesn't want anyone to judge him for this, I reminded him that I do 95 of the cooking and most of the cleaning and he still effs up our laundry every time.
He washes it and has to be reminded to take out the trash while I still pay a majority of the bills and pay for all dates.
Last vacations too.
So judging them when you're living an even easier lifestyle and have no children to watch after and can't even do laundry right.
We went back and forth and things got heated and he told me I always hated myself.
That's why I had to change everything about myself to be happy.
I told him, don't be mad at me for wanting to fix what I hated about myself instead of just hating everyone else and being an a-hole to the people who care about me.
He said inside I'm, still the same fat girl, no matter what I do.
I told him that I know that and hope it stays that way forever, because it showed me what's real and, what's not, he said I'm nowhere near the same person, he married and I said I guess not and told him.
He was silly for expecting me to stay the same 24 year old forever and that never giving me Room to Grow is like putting me in a box.
He said he loves me and isn't trying to do that, but then I'm biting off more for my life than I can chew and causing unnecessary Problems by being selfish, I asked what about my decisions or changes for selfish.
What inconveniences him Etc? He could not give me one straight answer: I asked if he wanted to split up could not use a word divorce because it's too heavy during the combo and he said no immediately, but that he also doesn't feel happy feeling like he can't measure up to me.
I literally can't with this loser.
Another part where I may have messed up.
I gave a deep, big, SI and started telling him to stop comparing himself to me because we're two different people sharing our lives, not living one life and he needed to get some self-esteem and stop worrying about the opinions of other men who aren't doing any better in life.
Also, the friend that shared most of this ish with him is in the middle of a nasty divorce with his wife after getting caught, cheating and her airing it out on social media and him losing his rank in the military and facing possible discharge so yeah.
Of course he wants to sabotage someone else's relationship.
Our conversation didn't do anything besides.
Let me know that all of you are right.
He's resentful that I better myself and is lashing out at me.
He promised that the cheating accusations would stop, but he still feels like I'm, going out of my way to upset the balance in our lives and making things difficult, but when I asked him, if I should go ahead and order some McDonald's and start gaining the weight back, a joke Elwell, he immediately was like no you're, so hot, that's, okay, but the other stuff AKA career and hobbies AKA.
Anything that doesn't do something for his I was so disgusted.
After that I went to work out and then told him I need some time to think and organize my thoughts alone.
He needs to worry about breakfast lunch and dinner on his own for the next few days, so I can have some time to think he seemed pretty surprised and thought.
I was being extra.
I wanted to give an update, but also wanted to know if someone out there in the introverse knows of some resources, where I can help myself work through this.
Of course, we discussed couples therapy, but the price is and would require some rebudgeting to make it work long term.
Okay, this commenter says he's insecure and feels threatened by her actions when you're that fat girl.
He didn't have to worry about someone else.
Stealing you away, or are you realizing? You could find someone better than him.
He is terrified that you are going to leave him developing hobbies and interests just means more chances.
You may meet someone else and find a better situation.
He doesn't realize that his behavior about this is making him less attractive as a partner.
You can try to explain to him what it is about him that makes you want to have him in your life, but the stuff you mentioned he says seems to suggest that he just wants you in his life for how it benefits him him.
Sugar mama is imprecise, but the idea that he wants you to ditch the things that interest you.
If he doesn't get anything from it makes clear that he doesn't really care about you as your own person.
He should be supportive of you improving yourself and expanding your horizons that he isn't makes.
It seem to me that he just wants you to take care of his needs whatever they are, that you shouldn't be doing anything else.
It is up to you if you want to be in a relationship with someone like that.
Opie says: I genuinely feel heartbroken, I, don't get how, when we were friends dating and during the rest of our marriage, he just thought the things I said and I wanted to do, and Achieve were just BS musings to not be taken seriously, which means all in all.
He never took me or us seriously.
Just what I could do for him? Let me say it this way: you outgrew him.
He knows that you will continue to grow.
He knows that too babe, your husband is a leech.
He wants a hot wife, a wife that makes money a wife who can be the 70 in the 70 30, but you should have no autonomy, I hate to say this, but you've outgrown him.
This is a boy listening to his bitter friend wanting to hold you accountable for his insecurities.
You deserve a partner, not anchor you're allowed to change and grow partner will support you and anchor will tether you in place, because they're incapable of moving themselves he's also a raging hypocrite and a misogynist.
This comment is where it's at continue on, with being extra AF workout, stop cooking and doing his laundry hire a lawyer.
The relationship is long since over you're just starting to realize it now it hurts but you'll, be happier without the dead weight.
The right partner will encourage you to be your best self.
He only wants the best part of you that doesn't outshine him.
A lot of men just want a groupie, to be honest, a groupie that he can extract goods and, services from and I love this commenter.
As a guy who earns less than my girlfriend he's being such a little B.
He should be proud of you for doing so.
Whenever my girlfriend gets a raise we celebrate when she pays for things for me sure I feel slightly weird, but it's not a big deal when she gains or loses weight.
I support her as long as she's comfortable in her own skin you're supposed to be a teen.
If he's so concerned with you earning more than him, then he needs to get a better job, not make you feel crappy about it.
If he's so worried about you leaving, he should make it clear that he wants to keep you by going out of his way to make you feel special.
Not accusing you of cheating he needs to grow up.
And you need to move on.
Also him saying you'll.
Always be fat, should have ended the relationship on the spot? I.
Can't even begin to imagine ever uttering something.
So disrespectful to my girlfriend, we've been together seven years and sure we tease each other, but that is on a whole different level.
That's straight up disrespectful and not something you should tolerate from the one person meant to make.
You happiest just well separate your finances.
Now you sound awesome, I'm, actually kind of jealous that you improve so much your husband will continue to drag you down and I.
Think you can't change him you're better without him, like And, subscribe for more.